Affair and Trauma Recovery
Two of the most challenging problems all marriages face is when an affair and trauma has been experienced. Both, affair and Trauma, rupture trust and undermine the very foundation on which committed relationships are built.
If you have experienced adultery, you are not alone. Research published in the Journal of Research and Personality (Buss & Shackelford) found that 30%-60% of marriages experience infidelity at some point. While these statistics can seem shocking, adultery does not need to be the fate of your relationship.
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The first time doing anything new can be a positive experience, especially when you are supported along the way. There are many questions first time clients have about affair and truama recovery in general and how to begin. Our goal is to help couples make positive changes that work for both partners.
Grief and Loss Trauma
There is a normal process of grief, loss and trauma that occurs when spouse has been truly wounded.
This process includes:
- Shock/Denial. At this stage, the faithful person is unwilling to accept their spouses’ unfaithfulness and may blatantly deny any facts that are presented to them regarding their spouse’s activities.
- Anger. The faithful person is aware that they have been violated and hurt and may express deep rage and resentment toward their unfaithful spouse.
- Bargaining. The faithful person wants to use changes in behavior as a way to avoid further pain, rather than addressing the deeper ramifications of the infidelity.
- Depression. The faithful person full realizes the impact of the infidelity on their marriage and mourns the loss of their previous relationship with the unfaithful spouse.
- Acceptance. The faithful person comes to terms with the consequences of the infidelity and is willing to move past it.
It is critical to note that these stages are experiences at a pace unique to each individual. One must evaluate the particular stage that a person is at and be sensitive to them in encouraging them to work though that stage. These stages can be experienced repeatedly, out of order, or several at once. One should encourage the person not to make any rash long-term decisions before they have completed the grieving process.
NorthPoint can help couples transform a broken relationship! Healing and trust can be rebuilt.
Our Marriage Healing Program will equip the couple to:
- Recognize the signs of trauma and PTSD and the impact it has on the relationship
- Identify the role trauma plays when there’s been an affair
- Help couples process past emotional injuries leading up to the affair
- Determine where and how to begin rebuilding a new foundation of trust
- Help couples strengthen the marriage
- Establish healthy boundaries
- Immunize relationships from future betrayals
NOTE: It is important to note: It is not unusual for the betrayed spouse to want to end the marriage rather than taking on the difficult task of rebuilding the relationship. If you are considering a divorce, let us help. Call and talk to a NorthPoint therapist.