Forgiveness Reconcilliation
NorthPoint Forgiveness / Reconciliation counseling is designed to help individuals (couples) forgive an offense that was done against them. The thing about unforgiveness, it will hurt you more than it hurt the person who has wronged you. Many people find counseling to be helpful in the process of forgiving and moving on with life.
Reconciliation counseling is designed to help the individuals iron out the inevitable wrinkles that occur in emotional bond of their relationship. By healing the emotional bond, individuals can continue to employ their conflict resolution, communication and intimacy skills to build a committed relationship and to repair the damage done. NorthPoint counselors can help you find forgiveness / reconciliation in which to move past being hurt. Either way, forgiveness / reconciliation offer's the potential to move on with one's life in a healthy and positive way.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a process! A recent study revealed that although 94% of Americans said it was important to forgive 85% reported that they needed some outside help to be able to forgive.1
Benefits of Forgiveness
What are the benefits of forgiving someone? Why is it so easy to hold a grudge? What are the effects of holding a grudge? How do I reach a state of forgiveness? What happens if I can't forgive someone? Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation? What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I don't want to? What if the person I'm forgiving doesn't change? What if I'm the one who needs forgiveness? Let's explore some understanding surrounding those questions as given by Dr. Pideman and two other experts.
Benefits of Forgiving Someone:
Letting go of grudges and bitterness makes way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:
- Healthier relationships
- Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
- Less stress and hostility
- Lower blood pressure
- Fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain
- Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse
Dr. Everett L. Worthington, Jr. is one of the leading researcher and expert in Forgiveness and proponent of forgiveness as essential in the healing process. His approach to forgiveness integrates Theological forgiveness with the understanding of forgiveness that stems from clinical research. He has developed a pyramid forgiveness model to REACH through:
Recall the Hurt
Empathize with the person who hurt you
Altruistic gift of forgiveness
Commit to forgive
Holding onto forgiveness1
Differences between Forgiveness and Unforgiveness:
Unforgiveness:
Cold emotions of resentment, bitterness, anger, hostility, and perhaps hatred that motivate people to seek revenge or avoid a person whom they perceive as having offended or harmed them.
Forgiveness:
Emotions of non-possessive love or compassion that reduce the cold emotions of unforgiveness, reduce the motivation to exact revenge or avoid a person, promote a desire for conciliation or reconciliation, if doing so is safe, prudent, and possible.2
Forgiveness is not:
- Denying that a wrong occurred.
- Calling wrong right (justification/rationalization).
- Condoning (it doesn't matter).
- Pardoning or exonerating (I choose not to hold you accountable).
- Excusing (there were a lot of good reasons).
- Reconciling (restoring trust through trustworthy behavior).
Another expert in the field of Forgiveness, Robert Enright, PhD, founder and head of the International Forgiveness Institute describes forgiveness as a "gift" and the process of forgiving as a "journey". The paradox, he says, is that "by giving this gift to the other, it is the gift giver who becomes psychologically healed." Enright developed a 20-Step Process Model of Forgiveness of Uncovering, Decision, Work, and Deeping with supporting steps. Enright makes the following important distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation:
Forgiveness:
One person's moral response to another's injustice
Reconciliation:
Two parties coming together in mutual respect
"It takes one person to forgive; it takes two people to be reunited."