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At NorthPoint Professional Counseling our counselors provide customized and comprehensive treatment for children, adolescents, adults, couples, families, and groups.

NorthPoint Family, Marriage Pre Marital Sexual Addiction Counseling

Divorce / Separation

NorthPoint Separation / Divorce counseling is designed to provide individuals (and couples) support and healing which has proven to be invaluable; helping people to overcome the trauma of separation / divorce. NorthPoint helps clients uncover and effectively communicate issues surrounding the conflicts and issues impacting their marriage. NorthPoint teaches the tools and skills needed to manage and salvage their relationship, like learning to work together rather than against each other.

If ultimately divorce is the answer, a NorthPoint counselor can help you deal with the painful process, teach you how to adjust through the transition and help you and your family recover from divorce. The involvement of a NorthPoint counselor will also help both parties communicate their post-divorce expectations effectively and civilly. The NorthPoint counselor can also help you find support groups and organizations for children or parents who have gone through or are going through the throes of divorce / separation.

Marriage is a very delicate relationship. A happy marriage is based upon love, trust, faith and mutual respect for each other. Nobody knows when a relationship between married couples can get bitter. It may be triggered by a minor misunderstanding. Sometimes, it could be a more serious issue. Whatever be the cause, when a couple is stuck in an unhappy marriage, it is a stressful situation for both of them. In many cases, couples refuse to accept that there are some marital problems. They assume that it is a passing phase, and they will be able to overcome it. Sadly, by the time both of them realize their marriage is in trouble, many believe it's too late and nothing much can be done to save the marriage.

Common Divorce Causes

  • Lack of communication is one of the leading causes of divorce. A marriage is on the rocks when the lines of communication fail. You can't have an effective relationship if either one of you won't discuss your feelings, can't talk about your mutual or personal issues, will keep your resentments simmering under wraps, and expect your partner to guess what the whole problem is about.
  • Divorces often happen because people rarely discuss their expectations in detail prior to marriage, are less willing to work on their marriages afterwards, and would like quick solutions rather than having to resolve issues. People have gotten divorced for trivial reasons like snoring.
  • People who come from divorced homes are more likely to get divorced than people who come from happily married households. Divorce seems less like a big deal if you have seen your parents go through with it.
  • People who get married between the ages of 23-27 are more likely to stay together than people who get married in their teens.
  • People who cohabit before marriage have higher rates of divorce than people who didn't cohabit before marriage.
  • In many cases, quite a few of the problems that cause divorce have existed in the couple's relationship long before they got married. The problems were either not acknowledged or were ignored in the fond hope that marriage might offer a miraculous panacea. And, guess what, it doesn't. Nobody can make you feel better about yourself and you can't change and save anybody. As someone wise once said, it takes two wholes to make a marriage, not two halves.

How Does Marital Separation Help

Couples who hit troubled waters in their relationship, often spend most of the time bickering and arguing over petty things. Every morning they wake up to each other, only to face the same issues again. Due to the constant bickering over frivolous things, the couple often ignores the main cause of dispute. Things begin to turn ugly as the couple eventually resorts to hurting each other and pampering their own egos. There is neither time for introspecting one's behavior, nor there is any productive discussion to make things work between them. By filing for a marital separation and implementing it in due course, the couple gets some breathing space. The temporary exit from each other's lives allows them to handle their lives independently. This helps to restore the mental peace in both the partners. They get ample time to ponder over their past mistakes and come up with some solutions to resolve the issue in question. At the end of the legal marriage separation period, each of the partners gains a fresh perspective towards their relationship. This can eventually help the couple to bond again.

When Does Marital Separation Help

There are certain circumstances in which marital separation helps while there are cases where marital separation only prolongs an impending divorce. Marital separation helps in cases where both the partners show an equal urge to save their marriage. When both the partners are willing to take efforts to do whatever it takes to work out issues between them, the chances of reconciliation are very bright. However, in cases where only one partner clings to marriage while the other is in hurry to get divorce, the chances of successful reconciliation are nil. People with cheating spouses, threatening partners seldom benefit from marital separation. Lastly, the decision for marital separation should not be made reluctantly and seen as an obstacle towards the divorce. Instead, it should be a mutual agreement with the hope for a positive outcome.

Dealing with Marital Separation

If the decision for marital separation was not mutual, then it might come as a shock to the spouse who did not instigate it. Oftentimes, people take their partner's warnings to leave them very lightly. Finally, when it does happen, they might realize their mistakes and make attempts to reconcile with their partners. However, this won't help in cases where the spouse was anyways ready to file for divorce. In some cases, marital separation may widen the gap between the couple and may force one of them to get closer to the third person, if involved. Hence, it is important that the couple reaches a consensus where each of them agrees not to get involved with any other person during the separation period. If the rift between the couple was already wide and there was a lack of communication, then the two partners may continue with their lives as nonchalantly as before. However, if the love and attraction between the couple is still intact, they will indeed yearn to get back.

During the separation period it is important to lead your life as healthy as possible and maintain a positive outlook towards life. Each are encouraged to let go of past grudges and learn from their mistakes. Each will need to render emotional support to their children (if involved) and take efforts to rebuild yours and their lives.